ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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