she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
