New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
