Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
