He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
