hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
