every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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