dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
