It's like God shit irony all over that family
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
