I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
