I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
