He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
