I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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