I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
