yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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