I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
