I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
