I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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