Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
where are my eyebrows?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
