You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
