Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
