Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
