Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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