I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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