ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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