They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
