I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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