i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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