i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
