p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I did not marry a roomba.
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