I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
