I will die if light touches me.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
your like the ambassador to my penis.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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