I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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