WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
