I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
