It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
