I just pynch a tree in the face
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
