I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
