escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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