I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
