I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
