When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
