Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
