I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
