sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
