He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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