mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
