god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
