Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
