Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
