fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
