Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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